The Secret Song

First, let me thank those who sought me out and read my first blog. You guys and particularly one gal (Eelie) where not only supportive of this blog, but very nice to a "rook" like me. So for that, I thank you. And to my lone follower (wordshaker), thanks for tuning in and I hope you enjoy my blog as much as I did yours. Secondly, I am blogging twice today because I had two, very separate things happen today that need to be addressed separately. Just imagine my last blog put together with this. I would look like a crazy to go from sheer anger to secret love. So that, my friends and foes, is the reason fro "Blog #2" (like Song #2, get it?...never mind)

In twenty years of living, I have had, what most would call a large amount of friends. Some male. Some female. Some very wonderful people. Some the very definition of "ass-clown". But out of those hundreds, maybe thousands of people, a very select few I can call my best friends. It's a short list of guys and gals whom I cherish like seats in the kop for a game against Everton (Liverpool reference, I'll explain if you ask) And out of those, a even smaller few I call my true best BEST friends. The top five I would call them. My best best friends is a girl whom I won't mention by name because, well I don't want to sell myself down the river. She has been my friends for some time now, in excess of and Olympiad. (trying to be secretive) But as with most guy-girl relationships, there is but one problem.

Love. I fear the word like a toddler fears the sharp, icy end of a doctor's needle. But with this person, it has always been there. For her, I think see enjoys me as the guy she can always depend on, short of her father or her favorite soccer player. For me, I love her more than...well, a fat kid loves cake (damn it, 50 cent) both platonic-ly and much to my own chagrin, un-platonic-ly. She is nothing short of one of the funniest, smartest, nicest people I have ever meet. Which are both qualities good for a wonderful friend and a good girlfriend. But, as most guys in my line of friendship would tell you, she is also very...very attractive. A stone cold fox, and I would never use such a cheap, 70's throw away line like that on any other person. But wait there's more.

We were over joyed to find out we would be going to college close to each other. I'm sure that the running odds on us getting it on between my friends in my neighborhood were better than those for Big Brown in the derby. But when we got to college(s), she fell for another guy, a friend of mine, and while I could fake my happiness for them, I could not fake wanting to see them together all the time . So I tried my damnedest to get out of seeing them (uh...I need to...polish my jazz shoes? I gotta get back to school for the...uh...lunch special...yeah.) After about a year of me running like a bitch, I found out that they were leaving their school and going to another. I was elated and dejected at the same time. No more happy couple to rain on my single parade. But no more best friend to have on those nights when I just needed a shoulder to lean on or a friend to call. So I continued on in my college and they went to their new college and me and my bestie drifted in to separate worlds.

Until now. We have made contact lately, and it seems we are both very tired and depressed about the current state of our affairs. The promise of a boyfriend and his seemingly unrelenting love has worn thin on her and she is think about finishing it off. And a life with out my best friend, love or no love, was becoming too heavy to bear. I didn't just miss the secret love. I missed the friendship. I am a human. And most of us do need companionship in life. My companion for a better part of an Olympiad has been her. So now, we are each others shoulder to lean on. I need her and for now, it looks like she needs me. So I have my bestie even if she is forever and a day away. But in the back of my mind, the love is still there. and now with the trouble in paradise, it has come back louder than a Who concert. So do I go with it, or hold on to the friendship I need so much? I don't know. And I may never know. But I know this. These things don't work on Grey's Anatomy, and I feel they won't work here either.