The Thrid Song

I love sports. So try to follow me on the analogy. It's forth quarter of a football (American) game and the team is losing 25 to 22 and we have ten seconds left, no time outs, on the own thirty and three seconds left on the clock. The coach could A) call in the field goal unit and go for the tie and overtime, which might beat down more on his already beaten down, beaten up team or B) go for it all and try for a touchdown, knowing full well he could lose it all. That is now what I have to do.

I am usually a peaceful person. I just like to be left alone. But when people won't let me be alone or do my own thing, I get frustrated, depressed and all the other thing that a person who keeps to himself would get. For the past few weeks , my step father has been growing more and more incredulous to me and it has start to drive to a point where I am tired of dealing with it. I have known this man of the better part of 12 years, which could best be described as "less than stelar". Some times, things are great, and most times things are lousy. Earlier this year, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Of course, in the state I was in, this made things worse. After all, I do care for my step father as a human being and it made me deeply sad. Now, I'm going to preface this by saying my biological father died from lung cancer when I was twelve, so this is not the first time I have had to deal with cancer. Which leads to this statement, for some one with cancer, his attitude has gotten worse. Of some one who could very well be headed down a path to certain doom, he is still being as aggravating and counter active as he was before hand. Today, in the span of three hours, he has kicked me out of my room (down stairs to upstairs, which is where I was for most of my teenage years) citing the fact that "It's too much space that he needs" and "that this is my area and i want it back", stated that he thinks that I am using too much water in the house and I should stop using so much (I take a shower...not even every day and I am rarely in the shower for more than 15 minutes tops) and that if I don't start following his orders that I am going to see a side of him "I don't want to see". The truth is, I have seen that side already. and I don't want to deal with it. In my current state, that side might drive me to point of near destruction, and that thing I fear the most.

So I am calling in my quarterback and going for the touchdown. I will be telling my mother that I want out. I have no job right now, but it has gotten to the point where I would rather be on the street than want to try to deal with a person who should have a better out look on life due to the cruel hand he has been dealt. Ss i stated earlier, I like to be left alone and the best way to be alone is to go some where else. Where? I don't know. But better to get out now than to go down later. I know this sounds like I am being a jerk, but my stepfather is not "dying" per say, in fact, he is doing fine. He is able to do his own thing which includes lauding most of the blame for what is happening in the house on me. So let's see what happens when the my team tries to win it all on the last second call I make, and see when I leave, who will he have to blame then?